Sitting in front of my computer this morning, I asked myself, “What all do I need to do before this month and year ends?”

Bills paid? Check.

Pay stubs ready for taxes? Check.

Renewed and/or canceled domains? Check.

Prepare to become one year closer to death? Check.

Write blog entry for Low Expectations? Crap.

So here I am, having once again expended any creativity I had on other blogs and social networks, leaving nothing much to say here. My mom died three months ago, adding to the lack of joy known as 2007. I had to move, put over $3000 into my truck and depleted my 401k.

A few good things happened as well, but being a rather pessimistic and grumpy individual, I discount their importance to my life.

As I look forward to 2008, my expectations are consistent with my expectations for every other year…low. I’m reasonably sure that by this time next year I’ll be in the same cottage, working at the same job, still trying to devise a sure-fire method to commit suicide in a way that will take until my natural death to become effective and involve really enjoying myself. Something on the order of riding the Mad Teacups ride at Disneyland until my heart fails, skydiving with a parachute packed by a clumsy blind guy with nervous ticks or even teasing the pitbull down the street with steak in my pants pocket.

Anybody have any better suggestions?

I’ve completed my 52nd year of life and am embarking on the 53rd.

It seems completely unreal, abstract. It’s a statement of fact that illustrates the difference between intellectually knowing something and that same something being a reality in your own mind. The image I have of myself isn’t older than 30. Maybe all those years I spent trying to pickle and preserve my brain paid off.

In my teens I was convinced I was going to die at 27. I can’t remember why, but I was. It wasn’t depressing, it was more a matter of fact. Ever since the day I turned 28 I’ve been shocked each year I’m still alive. That’s about the same time I became a former theist. Maybe god told me I was going to die at 27 and when he was wrong, I lost my faith. Who knows. Either way, I’m glad it happened.

Turning 53 sucks. You’re too young yet for senior discounts but too old for everything else.

Sanity is about to return to our world. It’s the end of the holiday season.

There’s something about the period from November to January that appeals to our fascination with myth and revisionist history. First, we celebrate our early colonists at Thanksgiving. We devise dinners that supposedly reflect the first meal the colonists shared with the natives. We ignore our treatment of Native Americans, at that time up to the present. We pretend that we are all best of friends. Thanksgiving is our national celebration of our collective ignorance of history.

Thanksgiving gives way almost immediately to the run up to Christmas. The entire month of December is consumed by Christmas music in every store, Christmas spam in every inbox, Christmas tree lots in every vacant space. We somehow manage to ignore the point that whether you are celebrating the arrival of Santa or the birth of Jesus, you are celebrating a fictional character as if it was historical fact. We are slaves to our own imaginings. We created Santa and Jesus, then we devote the month of December to the pretense of their reality. What more can we do to prove to the world that we’re irrational and devoted to fantasy?

Lastly, we have New Years, celebrated as best I can see by consuming large quantities of alcohol and shooting guns into the air. Yee-Ha! Again we ignore the fact that days, months and years are all human inventions. We aren’t interested in celebrating the reason for calling the next 12 revolutions about our planet’s axis a new year. We just want another day off of work, a reason to get drunk and shoot guns in a highly irresponsible manner.

So I’m perfectly pleased to be leaving this pathetic season behind. This grand celebration of our silliness and foolishness. I’ve long held low expectations for the holiday season. I have yet to have those expectations not met.

I just read through the top 5 blogs using Word Press.

I’m sure it’s just me, but gawd was it a boring experience.

Now I’m more than usually depressed.

I’ll be back when I have something to say.  See the first page.